We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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