I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
