so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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