nut hugger
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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