When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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