Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize