we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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