last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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