but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
