I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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