I skipped work to stalk him.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
