Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
