i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
