I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
