i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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