The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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