I think I am morally bankrupt
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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