Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize