i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
