u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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