Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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