At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
