You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
