remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's the barista slut.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
