so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize