Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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