So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i walk over a car last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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