he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
