watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Vodka?
Forever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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