anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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