You made me cry and you don't even care
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
