Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i used baking grease as lip gloss
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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