We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
