Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
