Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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