I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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