based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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