There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
