i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
