if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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