the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
