Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
