erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
