dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
