I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
