i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
