I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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