i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
