tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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