I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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