My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
