I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So much rum. So many feels.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
