hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
