saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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