all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
