I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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