Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
