I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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