Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
