he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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