I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
