You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
