It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
its liver damage thursday
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