I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
