Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
