Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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