What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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