"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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