my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
