That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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