I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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