Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
