it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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