so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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