I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
