i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
