I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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