Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
